Guess what, you?
YOU are capable of change and growth and healing.
YOU are capable of an authentic life driven by deep joy, satisfaction, and stability.
Your abuser is NOT.
(A supporting text that will help you understand why is Lundy Bancroft’s book, Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men.)
Your abuser will never be reflective, self-aware, or humble. They will never consider that they’ve done anything wrong, or are responsible for anything which has failed or hurt or had any negative effect and attention.
They aren’t capable of holding themselves accountable, or hearing/validating anyone they’ve done wrong. Especially you.
They won’t participate in individual or couples therapy, unless it’s with an approach meant to fool and manipulate the expert and/or convince them *you’re* the one with the problems who is responsible for the abuse and your failing relationship.
They can’t sincerely apologize or change who they are—they merely play to their audience, mirroring and mimicking what they know is expected of them. Remember, they are experts at manipulating others. And they are clever people-readers.
They will never fulfill their promises, or become who they’ve pretended to be. No amount of catering, countering, or wishing on your part will ever make that different.
So I repeat, YOU are capable of change and growth and healing.
And this is your superpower. With it comes great responsibility…
but even greater reward.