Tag: survivor

How Public Housing Perpetuates a Pattern of Control

“Such narrow, domineering rules feel a lot like the way domestic abuse feels.” This essay has been knocking around my noggin for months. Today I blew the dust off my Medium account and hit “publish.” I hope you’ll take a chance to check it… Continue Reading “How Public Housing Perpetuates a Pattern of Control”

No, Not Everyone is Toxic

I don’t know about you, but I’m seeing lots of content that wants the world’s toxicity shared equally among its residents. Example: “You can’t really begin to grow until you accept that you were toxic, too.” Bullshit. I do not accept this victim-blaming. Do… Continue Reading “No, Not Everyone is Toxic”

What You Sacrifice to Find Yourself

You’ll lose people along your journey. Sometimes it’s because they enable the one who abused you, therefore you cannot maintain connection with them. Sometimes it’s because they believe the lies and rumors, the smear campaign about you, and forsake their connection to you. Sometimes… Continue Reading “What You Sacrifice to Find Yourself”

Triggers in the Wild

It happened again last night. I saw someone from Our Story out of context. We were at a community event, both my kids and me. A man passed by and he looked familiar. Something about the dark hair and glasses. My eyes kept wandering… Continue Reading “Triggers in the Wild”

How to Get Help and Leave Abuse

I know it’s hard to ask for help, especially once you’ve internalized you need to leave and it’s time to make a plan. Here’s how I help women (in America) find resources that are local to them. Save this in case you ever need… Continue Reading “How to Get Help and Leave Abuse”

How Do I Set and Keep Boundaries?

A reader asks, “How do I follow through with boundaries and keep them up when someone tries to knock them down?” Boundaries are so hard, man. Because, for one, we’re not used to having them, so it’s unnatural and uncomfortable to figure out what… Continue Reading “How Do I Set and Keep Boundaries?”

Abuse is Abuse is Abuse

“What if this isn’t really abuse?” “It could be worse, right? It’s not like he hits me.” “Maybe she’s right. Maybe I’m overreacting.” Let me help you here. It IS abuse. Truly. You’re just not comfortable with that word yet because it’s a lot… Continue Reading “Abuse is Abuse is Abuse”

Resources Do Not a Survivor Make

I’m remembering the time someone suggested that I’ve gotten where I am — healing, sharing, teaching — because I must have had more and better resources than other survivors. If she’d had any idea how long I’ve struggled financially and fought emotionally, how many… Continue Reading “Resources Do Not a Survivor Make”

You Could Call It a “Mystery” Book

It’s never happened to me with a book before. (Movies, though, more times than I can count.) I bought this one in May while on vacation but only recently started reading. It’s 482 pages. Published in 2016. The plot was all brand new until… Continue Reading “You Could Call It a “Mystery” Book”

What Other People Think

It doesn’t matter what the person who abused you thinks. It doesn’t matter what their enablers think. Or what the people with whom you have a personality conflict. Your bully boss, the manipulative friend. That new person you’re dating—don’t start that connection by caring… Continue Reading “What Other People Think”