Tag: manipulation

How Public Housing Perpetuates a Pattern of Control

“Such narrow, domineering rules feel a lot like the way domestic abuse feels.” This essay has been knocking around my noggin for months. Today I blew the dust off my Medium account and hit “publish.” I hope you’ll take a chance to check it… Continue Reading “How Public Housing Perpetuates a Pattern of Control”

What You Sacrifice to Find Yourself

You’ll lose people along your journey. Sometimes it’s because they enable the one who abused you, therefore you cannot maintain connection with them. Sometimes it’s because they believe the lies and rumors, the smear campaign about you, and forsake their connection to you. Sometimes… Continue Reading “What You Sacrifice to Find Yourself”

Triggers in the Wild

It happened again last night. I saw someone from Our Story out of context. We were at a community event, both my kids and me. A man passed by and he looked familiar. Something about the dark hair and glasses. My eyes kept wandering… Continue Reading “Triggers in the Wild”

How to Get Help and Leave Abuse

I know it’s hard to ask for help, especially once you’ve internalized you need to leave and it’s time to make a plan. Here’s how I help women (in America) find resources that are local to them. Save this in case you ever need… Continue Reading “How to Get Help and Leave Abuse”

Abuse is Abuse is Abuse

“What if this isn’t really abuse?” “It could be worse, right? It’s not like he hits me.” “Maybe she’s right. Maybe I’m overreacting.” Let me help you here. It IS abuse. Truly. You’re just not comfortable with that word yet because it’s a lot… Continue Reading “Abuse is Abuse is Abuse”

What Other People Think

It doesn’t matter what the person who abused you thinks. It doesn’t matter what their enablers think. Or what the people with whom you have a personality conflict. Your bully boss, the manipulative friend. That new person you’re dating—don’t start that connection by caring… Continue Reading “What Other People Think”

It’s All Okay

Need a reminder today? I’ve got it for you. It’s okay if all you make for dinner is mac & cheese or Ramen. You’re busy trying to heal. It’s okay if the laundry has piled up. You’re busy trying to heal. It’s okay if… Continue Reading “It’s All Okay”

I Made My Own Flag

The superficial, patriotic noise & nationalist pride of today’s America do not bring me joy on this Independence Day, and give me no cause to celebrate. They can have Old Glory. I made my own flag. As a DV survivor, ally, and advocate, I… Continue Reading “I Made My Own Flag”

A Survivor’s Superpower

Guess what, you? YOU are capable of change and growth and healing. YOU are capable of an authentic life driven by deep joy, satisfaction, and stability. Your abuser is NOT. (A supporting text that will help you understand why is Lundy Bancroft’s book, Why… Continue Reading “A Survivor’s Superpower”

Survivor, Give Solitude a Chance

Solitude is hard to handle when you’re used to chaos. Being alone is difficult when you’ve been conditioned to codependency. Sitting quietly with only one’s thoughts can be torture when those thoughts are dominated by triggers at every turn, and memories of the abuse.… Continue Reading “Survivor, Give Solitude a Chance”