Category: Personal Essay

But You’re Over It, Right?

If you haven’t experienced this yet, you will. Someone you’re getting to know, and starting to feel comfortable telling The Story of You to, will interrupt and say, “But you’re over it, right?” “It” being the abuse you endured for months, possible years. And… Continue Reading “But You’re Over It, Right?”

Lessons from a Wispy Spider

This short essay originally appeared on Breaking the Silence for Women a year ago today. “Though she be but little, she is fierce.” This morning while I was in my workplace bathroom, I noticed a small and wispy spider climbing the wall. Her mission… Continue Reading “Lessons from a Wispy Spider”

Abortion and Bananas

I was thinking this morning about how a banana is not banana bread. A banana will never be banana bread unless a perfect sequence of events happens, from removing its peel and mashing it in a bowl to dumping in flour and adding the… Continue Reading “Abortion and Bananas”

Even Advocates (like me) Don’t Have Our Sh*t Together 100% of the Time

Please don’t set your sights on some too-high, impossibly unattainable perception of post-abuse perfection. What you’re doing is enough.How you’re learning and adapting is enough.Who you are <right now> is enough. We are human — something our abusers couldn’t allow, what with all the… Continue Reading “Even Advocates (like me) Don’t Have Our Sh*t Together 100% of the Time”

This is Lesson #1 in Healing

The #1 lesson I’ve learned in my personal journey is that it doesn’t matter what other people think of you. The journey for any survivor of abuse is in learning your self-worth, and building your self-confidence so as to be unshakable. This is to… Continue Reading “This is Lesson #1 in Healing”

Co-Parenting Judgment

A woman who leaves abuse and then still has to share custody of her children with that abuser has a hard road. So hard. She is expected by society to play nice, be amicable, put her “ego” aside, and unite with her dangerous ex… Continue Reading “Co-Parenting Judgment”

Selfies as Self-Worth

Let’s talk about self-image. How comfortable are you taking pictures of yourself? What do you think when you look at you? Does your abuser’s voice still narrate your perception of self? This is me in 2014. I had been divorced a few years already,… Continue Reading “Selfies as Self-Worth”

You Have More Worth in the Underside of Your Little Toe Than Your Abuser Does in Their Whole Body

Why? Because you’re the real one. You’re the one who cares about others. You’re the one with emotional intelligence. You’re the one with legitimate goals and ambitions. You’re the one willing to reflect and self-assess. You’re the one who strives to be better. You’re… Continue Reading “You Have More Worth in the Underside of Your Little Toe Than Your Abuser Does in Their Whole Body”

I Don’t Give Away Permission for Others to Make Me Feel Small

It gets easier. It gets easier to recognize what it was about your abuser’s behavior that made you feel small, then understand that it was never your fault, then repair the hurt that came from the degradation and condescension. From there it gets easier… Continue Reading “I Don’t Give Away Permission for Others to Make Me Feel Small”

Reclaim the Places of Hurting

Revisit the places where you cried, fought, or felt tiny, and reclaim them in your strength Last year I drove by myself to Des Moines from the Kansas City area. It was a Saturday in May, nice weather. An impulsive decision. I decided to… Continue Reading “Reclaim the Places of Hurting”