Tag: gaslighting

But You’re Over It, Right?

If you haven’t experienced this yet, you will. Someone you’re getting to know, and starting to feel comfortable telling The Story of You to, will interrupt and say, “But you’re over it, right?” “It” being the abuse you endured for months, possible years. And… Continue Reading “But You’re Over It, Right?”

Here’s How to Level Up in the Challenge of Healing

In no particular order, at no particular pace. Each realization gives you a boost. Some of them are serial. > identify a red flag> recognize someone’s manipulation> assert a boundary> speak up> break the habit of automatically saying “I’m sorry”> let someone have the… Continue Reading “Here’s How to Level Up in the Challenge of Healing”

A Note to Single Mamas

Single Mama, I see you. I’ve *been* you for 10 years. I know how hard it is to do things on your own. Lean into it. Through the overwhelm and challenge comes your strength and empowerment. Through the worry over your kids, and staying… Continue Reading “A Note to Single Mamas”

Co-Parenting Judgment

A woman who leaves abuse and then still has to share custody of her children with that abuser has a hard road. So hard. She is expected by society to play nice, be amicable, put her “ego” aside, and unite with her dangerous ex… Continue Reading “Co-Parenting Judgment”

Janna’s SAGE Podcast Appearance

A few weeks ago I was invited to the SAGE Community podcast show. Founder Erin and I talked about what abuse looks like, how survivors need to tackle their healing with patience, some special tools that help, and more. It was really, really good.… Continue Reading “Janna’s SAGE Podcast Appearance”

Selfies as Self-Worth

Let’s talk about self-image. How comfortable are you taking pictures of yourself? What do you think when you look at you? Does your abuser’s voice still narrate your perception of self? This is me in 2014. I had been divorced a few years already,… Continue Reading “Selfies as Self-Worth”

You Have More Worth in the Underside of Your Little Toe Than Your Abuser Does in Their Whole Body

Why? Because you’re the real one. You’re the one who cares about others. You’re the one with emotional intelligence. You’re the one with legitimate goals and ambitions. You’re the one willing to reflect and self-assess. You’re the one who strives to be better. You’re… Continue Reading “You Have More Worth in the Underside of Your Little Toe Than Your Abuser Does in Their Whole Body”

I Don’t Give Away Permission for Others to Make Me Feel Small

It gets easier. It gets easier to recognize what it was about your abuser’s behavior that made you feel small, then understand that it was never your fault, then repair the hurt that came from the degradation and condescension. From there it gets easier… Continue Reading “I Don’t Give Away Permission for Others to Make Me Feel Small”

Abuse Isn’t Always Physical

“At least he doesn’t hit me.” Raise your hand if ever that was part of your inner monologue. Physical abuse is the easiest to see and prove. That’s why some abusers avoid it, and choose — yes, CHOOSE — the “quiet” and “subtle” abuses.… Continue Reading “Abuse Isn’t Always Physical”

Reclaim the Places of Hurting

Revisit the places where you cried, fought, or felt tiny, and reclaim them in your strength Last year I drove by myself to Des Moines from the Kansas City area. It was a Saturday in May, nice weather. An impulsive decision. I decided to… Continue Reading “Reclaim the Places of Hurting”