Tag: gaslighting

A Survivor’s Superpower

Guess what, you? YOU are capable of change and growth and healing. YOU are capable of an authentic life driven by deep joy, satisfaction, and stability. Your abuser is NOT. (A supporting text that will help you understand why is Lundy Bancroft’s book, Why… Continue Reading “A Survivor’s Superpower”

Survivor, Give Solitude a Chance

Solitude is hard to handle when you’re used to chaos. Being alone is difficult when you’ve been conditioned to codependency. Sitting quietly with only one’s thoughts can be torture when those thoughts are dominated by triggers at every turn, and memories of the abuse.… Continue Reading “Survivor, Give Solitude a Chance”

“Am I Being Annoying? Do They Hate Me?” | No, It’s a Trauma Response

I gave this pep talk to my kid this morning, and it just occurred to me that you might need to hear it, too. (I’ve tweaked it some, since you’re probably not an almost-17yo dude. But I watched as enlightenment crossed his face, and… Continue Reading ““Am I Being Annoying? Do They Hate Me?” | No, It’s a Trauma Response”

Why I’m More Likely to Believe Amber

I see many women taking pleasure in bashing Amber Heard and praising Johnny Depp without understanding there is an emotional + psychological tactic in domestic and intimate partner abuse that is literally called “crazy making,” wherein the abuser convinces the victim and select outsiders,… Continue Reading “Why I’m More Likely to Believe Amber”

Death: Why My Life Started Over

My sweet dad took his last breath on this day twelve years ago. I was in the room when it happened. In fact, I was the one who realized he wasn’t breathing anymore. Hospice warns you, you know. They’ve gotten really good at estimating… Continue Reading “Death: Why My Life Started Over”

Life in the Trenches

A reframe Sometimes, to victims learning how to survive, it feels like life is stuck “in the trenches.” We use the idiom when we’re feeling beaten down, challenged, heartbroken, threatened, damaged. When we’ve forgotten our hope. Merriam-Webster defines the phrase as “a place or… Continue Reading “Life in the Trenches”

Financial & Post-Separation Abuse

Do you want to talk about financial abuse? Because we should. Financial abuse is a component of domestic abuse 99% of the time. (Source: National Network to End Domestic Violence) It happens when your abuser hides money, spends freely on their wants and needs… Continue Reading “Financial & Post-Separation Abuse”

Your Abuser’s Trauma is No Excuse

Okay, so your abuser had a traumatic childhood. Something life-changing, perhaps horrifying, happened to them. The stuff nightmares are made of. It was out of their control. Or maybe they were, for example, raised by a detached, materialistic father and callous, dismissive mother, so… Continue Reading “Your Abuser’s Trauma is No Excuse”

What to Say to Yourself

Because your abuser never did Things your abuser should have said to you, and meant with every fiber, include: * You’re beautiful. * Thank you for everything you do. * How can I help you today? * You’re talented. * I love your eyes/hair/caboose/brain/fashion… Continue Reading “What to Say to Yourself”

You Are Enough

Three simple words. Many people blow right by them; the phrase doesn’t even register. Those are the people who have never questioned their worth. They don’t carry a deficit in validation. They weren’t devalued, over and over again, by someone who was supposed to… Continue Reading “You Are Enough”