Tag: starting over after abuse

To Be or Not to Be Quiet About Abuse

We’ve talked about it before, about how we are shamed and scared into silence by our abusers and our attorneys and the family courts system. We’ve also talked about how being too bold with what we share, especially if we’re involved with family court,… Continue Reading “To Be or Not to Be Quiet About Abuse”

What Does It Mean If I Miss My Abuser?

The truth is, you don’t miss your abuser. Not really. It just feels like it because your hurt over being treated so grossly is so big. You miss who they initially pretended to be and hooked you with, and/or the person you wanted them… Continue Reading “What Does It Mean If I Miss My Abuser?”

Are single men and dads financially abused?

There’s a pattern. Some will read this as broad generalization, but the patterns exist because of the patriarchy, because of domestic and financial abuse, and because of how family courts cater to the men who lie about their income and ability to provide for… Continue Reading “Are single men and dads financially abused?”

Throw Meatloaf, Not Axes

You know those ax throwing places? Hear me out. It’s like that except only for DV survivors, and it’s a three-parter… Room 1 is filled with quiet, kind chefs who walk you through a recipe, from selection to completion. You take pictures of your… Continue Reading “Throw Meatloaf, Not Axes”

When Bystanders Think You Gave Your Abuser Permission

More victim blaming and shaming. Bystanders love that sh*t, because they think they have it all figured out, and also because they don’t know any better. Survivors do know better. We know that we are in control of very little during the abuse. This… Continue Reading “When Bystanders Think You Gave Your Abuser Permission”

About that Thing Abusers (and Enablers) Like to Call “Parental Alienation”

Originally posted on Breaking the Silence for Women 11/6/21. This morning I woke to notification of a comment that has since been deleted by its writer. That’s okay. Either they decided not to risk a public comment that the wrong people might see, or… Continue Reading “About that Thing Abusers (and Enablers) Like to Call “Parental Alienation””

But You’re Over It, Right?

If you haven’t experienced this yet, you will. Someone you’re getting to know, and starting to feel comfortable telling The Story of You to, will interrupt and say, “But you’re over it, right?” “It” being the abuse you endured for months, possible years. And… Continue Reading “But You’re Over It, Right?”

Lessons from a Wispy Spider

This short essay originally appeared on Breaking the Silence for Women a year ago today. “Though she be but little, she is fierce.” This morning while I was in my workplace bathroom, I noticed a small and wispy spider climbing the wall. Her mission… Continue Reading “Lessons from a Wispy Spider”

Abortion and Bananas

I was thinking this morning about how a banana is not banana bread. A banana will never be banana bread unless a perfect sequence of events happens, from removing its peel and mashing it in a bowl to dumping in flour and adding the… Continue Reading “Abortion and Bananas”

Even Advocates (like me) Don’t Have Our Sh*t Together 100% of the Time

Please don’t set your sights on some too-high, impossibly unattainable perception of post-abuse perfection. What you’re doing is enough.How you’re learning and adapting is enough.Who you are <right now> is enough. We are human — something our abusers couldn’t allow, what with all the… Continue Reading “Even Advocates (like me) Don’t Have Our Sh*t Together 100% of the Time”