Tag: starting over after abuse

A Survivor’s Superpower

Guess what, you? YOU are capable of change and growth and healing. YOU are capable of an authentic life driven by deep joy, satisfaction, and stability. Your abuser is NOT. (A supporting text that will help you understand why is Lundy Bancroft’s book, Why… Continue Reading “A Survivor’s Superpower”

Survivor, Give Solitude a Chance

Solitude is hard to handle when you’re used to chaos. Being alone is difficult when you’ve been conditioned to codependency. Sitting quietly with only one’s thoughts can be torture when those thoughts are dominated by triggers at every turn, and memories of the abuse.… Continue Reading “Survivor, Give Solitude a Chance”

Death: Why My Life Started Over

My sweet dad took his last breath on this day twelve years ago. I was in the room when it happened. In fact, I was the one who realized he wasn’t breathing anymore. Hospice warns you, you know. They’ve gotten really good at estimating… Continue Reading “Death: Why My Life Started Over”

Life in the Trenches

A reframe Sometimes, to victims learning how to survive, it feels like life is stuck “in the trenches.” We use the idiom when we’re feeling beaten down, challenged, heartbroken, threatened, damaged. When we’ve forgotten our hope. Merriam-Webster defines the phrase as “a place or… Continue Reading “Life in the Trenches”

Financial & Post-Separation Abuse

Do you want to talk about financial abuse? Because we should. Financial abuse is a component of domestic abuse 99% of the time. (Source: National Network to End Domestic Violence) It happens when your abuser hides money, spends freely on their wants and needs… Continue Reading “Financial & Post-Separation Abuse”

Your Abuser’s Trauma is No Excuse

Okay, so your abuser had a traumatic childhood. Something life-changing, perhaps horrifying, happened to them. The stuff nightmares are made of. It was out of their control. Or maybe they were, for example, raised by a detached, materialistic father and callous, dismissive mother, so… Continue Reading “Your Abuser’s Trauma is No Excuse”

What to Say to Yourself

Because your abuser never did Things your abuser should have said to you, and meant with every fiber, include: * You’re beautiful. * Thank you for everything you do. * How can I help you today? * You’re talented. * I love your eyes/hair/caboose/brain/fashion… Continue Reading “What to Say to Yourself”

It’s Okay to Be Single, Survivor

Maybe you need to hear it’s okay to be single. The conditioning that forced us into codependency makes us think differently, at least at first. And the emotional neglect, the deficit in love and respect we carry after abuse, makes us needy. We want… Continue Reading “It’s Okay to Be Single, Survivor”

How to Deal with Abuse

Step 1: Listen to that tiny voice when it says you deserve better. Step 2: Internalize that you need to leave. Step 3: Figure out a way to leave, then leave. Or leave even without a clear plan. Whatever it takes, hopefully with a… Continue Reading “How to Deal with Abuse”

You Are Enough

Three simple words. Many people blow right by them; the phrase doesn’t even register. Those are the people who have never questioned their worth. They don’t carry a deficit in validation. They weren’t devalued, over and over again, by someone who was supposed to… Continue Reading “You Are Enough”