Category: Advocacy & Education

Co-Parenting Judgment

A woman who leaves abuse and then still has to share custody of her children with that abuser has a hard road. So hard. She is expected by society to play nice, be amicable, put her “ego” aside, and unite with her dangerous ex… Continue Reading “Co-Parenting Judgment”

You Have More Worth in the Underside of Your Little Toe Than Your Abuser Does in Their Whole Body

Why? Because you’re the real one. You’re the one who cares about others. You’re the one with emotional intelligence. You’re the one with legitimate goals and ambitions. You’re the one willing to reflect and self-assess. You’re the one who strives to be better. You’re… Continue Reading “You Have More Worth in the Underside of Your Little Toe Than Your Abuser Does in Their Whole Body”

An Open Letter to My Abuser | FREE printable

Letter writing and journaling are important exercises that assist our understanding of what we’ve been through. But sometimes it’s hard to know where to start. I’ve designed a free printable with this in mind. It’s yours for the taking! Please download, print, and use… Continue Reading “An Open Letter to My Abuser | FREE printable”

Abuse Isn’t Always Physical

“At least he doesn’t hit me.” Raise your hand if ever that was part of your inner monologue. Physical abuse is the easiest to see and prove. That’s why some abusers avoid it, and choose — yes, CHOOSE — the “quiet” and “subtle” abuses.… Continue Reading “Abuse Isn’t Always Physical”

Reclaim the Places of Hurting

Revisit the places where you cried, fought, or felt tiny, and reclaim them in your strength Last year I drove by myself to Des Moines from the Kansas City area. It was a Saturday in May, nice weather. An impulsive decision. I decided to… Continue Reading “Reclaim the Places of Hurting”

She May Not Leave Because…

We each have our own pace. Our own awareness. Our own willingness. Our own awakening. That is our hope, anyway. Right? That each victim awakens and undergoes her journey toward survival and then, eventually, she thrives. The other day I used the term “willful… Continue Reading “She May Not Leave Because…”

Survivor Shadow

Some days I feel like a shadow of my normal self. Surviving is hard. Thriving is hard, too, because you can easily fool yourself into thinking that when you’ve been through so much, and after you’ve come so far, you have to stay up,… Continue Reading “Survivor Shadow”

Impression Management is the Game

Sometimes it’s as simple as wearing a smile on your face, and being so, so careful about how much you say and to whom, so that no one knows how bad it really is. Sometimes it’s more grandiose, a kind of overcompensation meant to… Continue Reading “Impression Management is the Game”

Sunday Spirituality

People assume it’s the hard wood of a church pew that makes it so uncomfortable for long periods. But a woman who’s had to listen to a sermon about love and kindness and humility and doing for others and forgiveness, etc., etc., while sitting… Continue Reading “Sunday Spirituality”

Little Rebellions, Big Impact

This afternoon I received a message with a picture. It was from a friend and survivor I’ve been coaching as she establishes her own household. It hasn’t been long since she left her abuser, so every inch of change and progress is a small… Continue Reading “Little Rebellions, Big Impact”