Category: Self Improvement

Resources Do Not a Survivor Make

I’m remembering the time someone suggested that I’ve gotten where I am — healing, sharing, teaching — because I must have had more and better resources than other survivors. If she’d had any idea how long I’ve struggled financially and fought emotionally, how many… Continue Reading “Resources Do Not a Survivor Make”

You Could Call It a “Mystery” Book

It’s never happened to me with a book before. (Movies, though, more times than I can count.) I bought this one in May while on vacation but only recently started reading. It’s 482 pages. Published in 2016. The plot was all brand new until… Continue Reading “You Could Call It a “Mystery” Book”

What Other People Think

It doesn’t matter what the person who abused you thinks. It doesn’t matter what their enablers think. Or what the people with whom you have a personality conflict. Your bully boss, the manipulative friend. That new person you’re dating—don’t start that connection by caring… Continue Reading “What Other People Think”

It’s All Okay

Need a reminder today? I’ve got it for you. It’s okay if all you make for dinner is mac & cheese or Ramen. You’re busy trying to heal. It’s okay if the laundry has piled up. You’re busy trying to heal. It’s okay if… Continue Reading “It’s All Okay”

I Made My Own Flag

The superficial, patriotic noise & nationalist pride of today’s America do not bring me joy on this Independence Day, and give me no cause to celebrate. They can have Old Glory. I made my own flag. As a DV survivor, ally, and advocate, I… Continue Reading “I Made My Own Flag”

It’s Spiritual Abuse

I won’t apologize for calling it what it is. Because it’s abusive to pick and choose which scriptures prevail and which ones get conveniently swept under the rug. Which ones are to be interpreted literally and which ones, under no circumstances, aren’t. It’s abusive… Continue Reading “It’s Spiritual Abuse”

Recipe for Happiness

I’m no wiz in the kitchen but I’ve been working for years on this recipe that I’d like to share. It takes time to make, fair warning, and it can get super messy. Also, while the specific ingredients I’ve listed are important and necessary—I… Continue Reading “Recipe for Happiness”

A Survivor’s Superpower

Guess what, you? YOU are capable of change and growth and healing. YOU are capable of an authentic life driven by deep joy, satisfaction, and stability. Your abuser is NOT. (A supporting text that will help you understand why is Lundy Bancroft’s book, Why… Continue Reading “A Survivor’s Superpower”

Change Anyway, Survivor

THEM: “You’ve changed.” YOU: “I had to. Can’t you see?” Not everyone’s going to understand or support the transformation that’s required of your hurting and healing journey. Change anyway. Some will think that when you finally start expressing your opinion, you’re being argumentative. Be… Continue Reading “Change Anyway, Survivor”

Survivor, Give Solitude a Chance

Solitude is hard to handle when you’re used to chaos. Being alone is difficult when you’ve been conditioned to codependency. Sitting quietly with only one’s thoughts can be torture when those thoughts are dominated by triggers at every turn, and memories of the abuse.… Continue Reading “Survivor, Give Solitude a Chance”