I don’t know about you, but I’m seeing lots of content that wants the world’s toxicity shared equally among its residents.
Example: “You can’t really begin to grow until you accept that you were toxic, too.”
Bullshit. I do not accept this victim-blaming.
Do survivors of domestic abuse have to commit to self-reflection as we undergo the hurting and healing journey? Yes.
Do we have to learn that we contributed to certain patterns which, in some ways, enabled our abuser? Yes.
Were we co-dependent? Yes. (Because we were taught to be.)
Is it our responsibility to understand all of this, evolve our operations, grow into ourselves, and protect our future from similar abuses? Absolutely.
This does NOT mean we were toxic.
We weren’t the ones who lied at every pass, pretending to be someone we’re not.
We aren’t the ones who plow through life by manipulating everyone around us.
We would never choose to abuse another human, or be unphased if somehow we inadvertently did.
We didn’t actively tear down someone’s sense of self and destroy their soul, all for a misguided, deluded, ego-centered sense of power and control.
“Toxic” means poisonous. It means “very harmful or unpleasant in a pervasive or insidious way.”
I have never been nor will I ever be toxic.
And given all the other parallels between you and me, survivor, I’d bet money the same is true for you.