To Be or Not to Be Quiet About Abuse

We’ve talked about it before, about how we are shamed and scared into silence by our abusers and our attorneys and the family courts system.

We’ve also talked about how being too bold with what we share, especially if we’re involved with family court, can work against us—even though we are just being brave enough to share the truth no one wants to hear, and that few people will recognize.

Our abusers twist and use it against us,
opposing council makes it a weapon,
some of our friends and family shrug and sweep it all under the rug, because it makes them uncomfortable,
passersby won’t take a moment to consider the ugliness of something they aren’t touched by and don’t want to be touched by,
all of which enables our abusers
and ensures our own silence — if we let it.

If you choose to be silent, do it because it’s what is best for you, and because it’s best for the children you “co-parent” with your abuser. Not because you are protecting someone who doesn’t deserve protection. The day will come when you CAN open up and be honest about the truth of your abuse with little to no risk. You don’t have to rush it. Honor your current season of life.

If you choose not to be silent, claim that empowerment. Put your need to share the truth and help others first. Let go of some underlying and forced obligation (by others, no less) to live in silence just because that’s best for everyone else.

F*ck everyone else.

Your understanding, your empowerment, your healing matter more than the comfort level of other people [save your kids if they’re still little], and you owe your abuser nothing.

Especially not silence for their benefit.

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