When Bystanders Think You Gave Your Abuser Permission

More victim blaming and shaming. Bystanders love that sh*t, because they think they have it all figured out, and also because they don’t know any better.

Survivors do know better.

We know that we are in control of very little during the abuse.

This list could include:

> who our friends are
> how our time is spent
> spending money
> how and when we’re physically intimate
> household responsibilities
> religious involvement
> employment
> sleep patterns
> thinking independently
> our own autonomy

It takes leaving.

It takes distance and time.

It takes learning and healing and a new sense of self-preserving perspective to understand why and how we were hurt, that our early engagement was part of it (though not to blame, never to blame), and that moving forward we CAN take and retain control over how we allow others to affect us.

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