Even Advocates (like me) Don’t Have Our Sh*t Together 100% of the Time

Please don’t set your sights on some too-high, impossibly unattainable perception of post-abuse perfection.

What you’re doing is enough.
How you’re learning and adapting is enough.
Who you are <right now> is enough.

We are human — something our abusers couldn’t allow, what with all the emotions and authenticity and reasonable expectation — and we deserve to embrace all the moving parts and stages of our human condition. I repeat: We deserve it.

Honestly, I need this reminder, too.

I’m still learning every day. Sometimes I still struggle with triggers. My feelings or anxiety, some days, get the best of me. There are times I wish someone would just swoop in and “fix it all” for me, or, at the very least, share the load I’ve carried for so long. I get down and need a hug, a pat on the back, an “I’m proud of you.” I sometimes feel lonely and vulnerable. I still make mistakes and doubt myself and piss people off and feel too tiny to be. Just be.

I’ve been exactly where each of you finds yourself — on most if not all parallel paths (even if the details vary) — and trust me, the universe often reminds me.

Healing and transition aren’t supposed to be easy.

Survival comes through and after the fight, then remains ongoing. (Think of it in the same context as sobriety.)

The point is that we keep going, keep growing, keep knowing who we are + who we want to be, and defining — even redefining! — health and happiness for ourselves. It’s all an evolution.

And remember not to compare your journey with another survivor’s. Every step you take, no matter the speed, no matter the length of stride, is valid and valuable.

For more content like what you see here, and a chance to engage with other survivors of domestic abuse, visit my Facebook page.

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