Single Survivor, I See You

A note for Valentine’s Day

Whether you’re newly solo, or it’s already been a long journey on your own.

Whether you still hurt more than you’ve healed, or if the healing finally makes it hurt less.

Whether you’ve sworn off romantic relationships, or look forward to the day you can participate in a happy, healthy one.

Whether you’ve never cared about Valentine’s Day, or wish it could feel more significant.

I see you.

Whether you embrace self-love, or not quite so much (not yet).

Whether you’re happy in your own company, or wish for a companion. Or both. Because these truths can coexist.

Whatever your dating after domestic abuse experiences have been

and whether or not you have hope.

Whatever your attachment style, triggers, hangups, or biases and heartaches.

I see you but I won’t patronize you.

I won’t act like it’s wrong for you to want something you don’t have. Or like it’s wrong *not* to want something.

I won’t condescend you with advice you don’t need to hear. Not in this post.

I won’t tell you that you have to work on yourself before someone can want you.

I won’t make it seem like you have to meet some undefined milestone or personal breakthrough before love will reveal itself.

Because that would make it seem like you’re not enough just as you are right now,

or that you’re irretrievably broken unless X and Y or Z happen.

I will not suggest that you listen to partnered people who think they can help you understand how you should feel about being single.

I will not shame you, wherever you fall. Whatever you want, hope, see, believe.

I see you.

That’s all.


*divorced and single 10 years

*some dating, lots of disappointment, many lessons

*fulfilled on my own, but also looking forward to eventual partnership and interdependence

*sometimes jaded but not hopeless

*tired of the people who automatically assume every single woman is broken, and that her “vision” needs to be fixed, or that she just doesn’t love herself enough to have “earned” love from someone else, because they’re wrong

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