WOMAN, DETERMINED
Creative Works & Advocacy
She May Not Leave Because…
We each have our own pace. Our own awareness. Our own willingness. Our own awakening.
That is our hope, anyway. Right? That each victim awakens and undergoes her journey toward survival and then, eventually, she thrives.
The other day I used the term “willful ignorance” to explain why some women aren’t able to take action about their abuse. Here’s what I meant:
Some women know on some level that their partner is toxic but avoid dissecting what that really means, because if they acknowledge the abuse, they have to figure out what to do about it.Some women opt, then, to tuck their head in the sand and stay where it’s “comfortable.” That isn’t to say abuse is comfortable, because we know it isn’t, but when it’s habit, routine, secure in the sense that, at least, you halfway know what to expect, it can be easier to stay on that path than accepting some hard truths, figuring out an escape plan, worrying about what happens to your children or how you’ll afford *anything* if you leave, etc. etc.
I’m not saying that a woman in this situation actively *chooses* to stay with the abuse, but rather that she doesn’t allow herself to consider, really consider, that she has another choice.
This woman who can’t see her situation, that she in fact has a choice and should choose leaving, needs our grace. And support. Perhaps gentle encouragement. But that’s it. Hard advice to leave will fall on deaf ears. Her own, independent awakening has to come first.
We all need grace. Every woman on her journey — no matter the pace, no matter the progress — needs grace.
**Please know that it is never my intention to victim-blame here. If you ever read something that feels contrary to that, please comment on the post or message me so we can talk through it. | Janna 
WOMAN, DETERMINED 