Tag: survivor

Let’s Talk About Forgiveness

Many pieces of our American society — especially through the arm of Western religion — make you think that forgiveness (releasing another from the harm they’ve done you) is required for your peace and well-being. My hot take is that forgiveness toward the one… Continue Reading “Let’s Talk About Forgiveness”

Vacation My Way

As the house lights faded, my nose burned with emotion. It’s rare that I don’t feel more than one emotion at once. That day, last Saturday, it was gratitude, awe, pride, all together. My kids, both older teens, and I had settled into our… Continue Reading “Vacation My Way”

Death: Why My Life Started Over

My sweet dad took his last breath on this day twelve years ago. I was in the room when it happened. In fact, I was the one who realized he wasn’t breathing anymore. Hospice warns you, you know. They’ve gotten really good at estimating… Continue Reading “Death: Why My Life Started Over”

Life in the Trenches

A reframe Sometimes, to victims learning how to survive, it feels like life is stuck “in the trenches.” We use the idiom when we’re feeling beaten down, challenged, heartbroken, threatened, damaged. When we’ve forgotten our hope. Merriam-Webster defines the phrase as “a place or… Continue Reading “Life in the Trenches”

Financial & Post-Separation Abuse

Do you want to talk about financial abuse? Because we should. Financial abuse is a component of domestic abuse 99% of the time. (Source: National Network to End Domestic Violence) It happens when your abuser hides money, spends freely on their wants and needs… Continue Reading “Financial & Post-Separation Abuse”

Your Abuser’s Trauma is No Excuse

Okay, so your abuser had a traumatic childhood. Something life-changing, perhaps horrifying, happened to them. The stuff nightmares are made of. It was out of their control. Or maybe they were, for example, raised by a detached, materialistic father and callous, dismissive mother, so… Continue Reading “Your Abuser’s Trauma is No Excuse”

What to Say to Yourself

Because your abuser never did Things your abuser should have said to you, and meant with every fiber, include: * You’re beautiful. * Thank you for everything you do. * How can I help you today? * You’re talented. * I love your eyes/hair/caboose/brain/fashion… Continue Reading “What to Say to Yourself”

I Will If You Will

You. Woman with so much on your plate, I see you. Because while your journey may not run parallel to mine, I know how heavy the burden gets. We are …running a household, maybe with a helpful partner, maybe without one at all. Either… Continue Reading “I Will If You Will”

It’s Okay to Be Single, Survivor

Maybe you need to hear it’s okay to be single. The conditioning that forced us into codependency makes us think differently, at least at first. And the emotional neglect, the deficit in love and respect we carry after abuse, makes us needy. We want… Continue Reading “It’s Okay to Be Single, Survivor”

How to Deal with Abuse

Step 1: Listen to that tiny voice when it says you deserve better. Step 2: Internalize that you need to leave. Step 3: Figure out a way to leave, then leave. Or leave even without a clear plan. Whatever it takes, hopefully with a… Continue Reading “How to Deal with Abuse”