| Survivor Snapshot | The Pattern Started Early

“It all started when I was fourteen years old and he was the only guy in school that gave me attention. He had a girlfriend, I knew that but she went to a different school so it was okay. He flirted with my friends but I knew he was just joking. He took someone else to prom but I knew he didn’t really like her so it didn’t matter. He was expelled from school but I knew what he did wasn’t his fault. He just didn’t want us to be ‘official,’ sure I understood. Other guys started taking an interest in me, that WAS NOT okay.

We were finally an official couple, he told me he loved me. I heard the words I had waited so long to hear. I started college. His ‘ex’ girlfriend came back into the picture. They had never broken up. My grades were slipping and I got depressed. I stopped eating and lost 30 lbs that I didn’t have to lose, I stopped caring. The ‘ex’ left, she finally left because of course she needed to. I was happy again. I started skipping class because we didn’t get to spend enough time together. My grades started slipping again. But we were together. He had dreams and plans. We would just do it his way, it made more sense.

He started making really bad decisions, life changing decisions. I wanted no part of it. I said it was over. I was finally calling the shots. He said he loved me. I came back. He joined the military to better his life, our life together. He had changed! He was sweet, caring, loving and kind. I wanted to see my friends but they were sluts and bad influences. I got that. I was a good girl who had only been with one man. It needed to stay that way. He got stationed, we eloped and nobody needed to know. I missed my family but they never bought a plane ticket to come see me so they didn’t really love me. It was just him and I.

Military didn’t work out, he didn’t want to be deployed because he loved me too much and didn’t want to be away. We moved back and he wanted to be a cop. I became a dispatcher for the same department. He said it would be good to work together. Our days off weren’t the same, so when I was off work I must’ve been cheating. The thought never crossed my mind. That profession didn’t work, his superiors just didn’t understand him and they didn’t get along. I lost my job. I found out I was pregnant.

35923034_1948712621847168_7946853562586234880_nLet’s fast forward 8 years and I’m now divorced with a beautiful 7 year old daughter. I could write an entire novel about this man, our relationship and the horrible things he has done to me (which I plan on doing). There were MANY awful details I have left out. If you didn’t notice the pattern here, he was a very possessive and manipulative narcissist. There were times I contemplated suicide because I felt no worth to anyone because he told me so. I had no friends left and being a social butterfly, that hit me hard. I couldn’t see my family because they hated him and he hated them. It took cheating and one instance of physical abuse to finally open my eyes. It was the HARDEST decision I have EVER had to make and it ended up being the BEST. It hasn’t been quite two years but I still struggle with him and the emotional scarring he’s created. Although I still find it difficult, it is still a MILLION times better than living under his roof and listening to his obnoxious mouth. Possessive love isn’t LOVE, it’s control and it’s never okay.”

| Chelsey in Missouri |

Email jannawrites at gmail to share your own Survivor Snapshot.


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