| Survivor Snapshot | Leaving the Past Behind and Moving Toward My Future

“I lived for years in a relationship that harmed me more than a punch or kick ever could have. I lived with emotional and mental abuse for years.

I was told all the time how I wasn’t good enough, how no one else would ever or could ever love me because I was a terrible person. I was told how ugly and fat I was (back when I weighed 125 pounds), how I was a horrible wife and mother. I lived with hearing the most horrible things on a daily basis.

I put on a happy face and pretended everything was fine to the outside world. I was scared all the time.

We would go somewhere with other people and if I didn’t act like everything was fine I knew there would be hell to pay when we got home. If I said something wrong he would give me a look or say something that no one else understood but I knew… I knew when I got home I would be told how stupid I was and how I embarrassed him. That I was an embarrassment. It took years for those scars to heal somewhat.

36114177_1945033568881740_8762902270858756096_nThere are still times today that something will happen and I will go right back to that time and the feelings of incompetence, ugliness and fear.

After I left I put on a happy face, I put on a front that everything was fine, no one saw how I felt like a failure, I felt completely incompetent, I felt like I was always wrong, I felt like I was not doing right by my kids.

Today I know I am capable, that my kids are ok and doing well and that I can be loved and deserve love. I am lucky I found someone to spend my life with that understands I have scars because he has some too.

I don’t talk a lot about what happened back then. Only a few people truly know what I went through during those years. I am so grateful for my kids because without them I wouldn’t have ever left I honestly probably wouldn’t be alive today. I couldn’t let them grow up thinking it was ok to be treated that way.

If you are in an abusive relationship get out. Please get help and get out.”

| Janelle, Missouri, pictured |

[Photo Credit: Dana Shore]

Submit your own Survivor Snapshot through my page’s inbox on Facebook/Breaking the Silence for Women, or by email to jannawrites AT gmail. Let me know how you’d like to be identified.

Thank you in advance for helping bring clarity to some, and hope for others. #BreakingtheSilenceforWomen #SurvivorSnapshots

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