***This particular feature offers a specific, raw example of abuse that may make some uncomfortable and prove a trigger for others. Still I share, because it’s someone’s truth — the truth of many, actually — and it’s by sharing even the most vulnerable stories that we bring awareness and understanding. It’s the only way we’ll see change.***
“This morning I couldn’t sleep. The wind was howling outside, which woke me up and then I just had so much going through my head. I decided to take a bath to relax and get ready for the day.
He apparently woke up and came to use the restroom and then left. I had told him good morning and he mumbled the same in return. Shortly after he left I received this text.
‘Why did you have to be naked in the bath tub? Now I can’t sleep.’
I thought he was joking. I replied, ‘Sorry 😕 😀.’ I then get this back -‘Yeah easy for you. Your body isn’t on fire when it doesn’t happen.’
Here we go again. He was going to be upset if I didn’t give him what he wanted. I could tell by the tone of his text.
I was in the middle of a bath and thought I would ask him to come in there. ‘You could come in here.’ I doubted it though because he’s complained before that he doesn’t like it in there.
In the past it’s become a place for my desperate attempt to not only satisfy him with enough sex but to somehow use sex to hopefully make him kinder to me…
‘Don’t you understand that it hurts in there’ He was referring to his knees on the bathroom floor.
I was soaked and hadn’t finished my bath, but I didn’t want to upset him. He gets in such an angry mood when he doesn’t get enough sex or gets turned down for sex and the mood effects all of us.
My son has what will likely be his last football game today and I want it to be fun for him.
‘I’m soaking wet since I’m taking a bath, but I’ll come in there’ He replies ‘You don’t have to I want you to do what you want I was just reminding you what my life is like.’
I don’t have to? Yes I do if I want to make you happy. If I want to have a good day today.
So I wrapped a towel around my head and walked to our room. As I came in, he gets snippy with me and tells me to just go finish my bath because he doesn’t want it if I don’t. I explain that I’m just wrapping the towel around my head so I don’t soak our bed. I climb in and I’m suddenly just saddened at the situation.
I don’t want to, but I feel I don’t have a choice.
It’s hard to feel close to someone who treats you the way he does. It’s hard to be intimate with someone when you feel you don’t have a choice. He starts and my stomach just hurts and I feel the tears come… I can feel my face twisting and I’m glad that it’s pitch black.
This isn’t how it’s supposed to feel. This isn’t the gift God gave us.
He finishes, and tells me, ‘There, now you can go finish your bath,’ and laughs while I lie naked, wet and utterly broken on the bed.”
| Broken Betty |
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